Parenting Your 3rd Grader

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The Phase when fairness matters most, differences get noticed, and your enthusiastic kid thinks anything sounds like fun!

FAIRNESS MATTERS

The world of your third grader is highly defined. Things are right or they are wrong. Someone is either good, or they are bad. And if you happen to give someone else the larger slice, you will find out pretty quickly to which category you belong.

DIFFERENCES DISPLAY THEIR UNIQUENESS

Your third grader’s brain is changing in some incredible ways. They are developing their ability to sympathize, but they are still quick to put people (including themselves) into categories. They may be quick to let you know, for example, if they are “athletic” or “not athletic.”

THIS PHASE IS A BLEND OF CAPABLE AND DEPENDENT

You are entering the golden years of childhood. No one should have a favorite phase, but if you like this phase a whole lot, you aren’t alone. Your kid is impressionable, eager, and excited about what you are excited about. If you think something sounds like fun, it won’t take much to convince them it really is fun.

Love to Give

“Do I have what it takes?”

This is the one major question your third grader is asking. They are keen for comparison. They love to compare movies, sports teams, ice cream flavors.. and people. This tendency often leaves kids wondering just how well they measure up.

Your third grader needs you to pay attention to their efforts and interests. Whether your third grader develops greater proficiency at sports, music, or solving a Rubik’s Cube in under 60 seconds. The best way to do that is by engaging their interests.

You can engage their interests by…

…showing curiosity about their activities.

…encouraging their efforts.

…helping them push through setbacks.

WAYS TO LOVE

-Schedule your day. Write down all you do for your third grader on a typical day, and include how much time each task takes. Now take a minute to celebrate what a good parent you really are. It will be especially helpful to revisit this list on a bad day.

-Pay attention to what your third grader likes. What does your child seem to enjoy the most right now?

-How are you taking time for yourself? It’s impossible to love anyone with the relentless effort a third grader demands unless you are refueling each week. What are some ways you can take care of yourself so you are able to give your kid the love they need?

-Who do you have around you supporting you this year? Family? Your Missional Community? Your DNA? Other friends?

Books to Read

Mr. Popper’s Penguins
by Richard Atwater

The One and Only Ivan
by Katherine Applegate

The Tales of Dimwood Forest (Series)
by Avi

The Penderwicks (Series)
by Jeanne Birdsall

Frindle
by Andrew Clements

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
by Roald Dahl

Hereville: How Mirka Got Her Sword
by Barry Deusch

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane
by Kate DiCamillo

Zita the Space Girl
by Ben Hatke

Nancy Drew (Series)
by Carolyn Keene

The Jungle Book
by Rudyard Kipling

Pippi Longstocking
by Astrid Lindgren

When We Were Very Young
by A.A. Milne

Island of the Blue Dolphins
by Scott O’Dell

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
by Barbara Robinson

Harry Potter (Books 1-3)
by J.K. Rowling

Sideways Stories From Wayside School
by Louis Sachar and Julie Brinckloe

Smile
by Raina Telgemeier

Stuart Little
by E.B. White

Who Was (Series)
by multiple authors

Milestones to Achieve

Work your third grader can do:

Bandage a cut

Gather trash bags from around the house

Rake leaves

Unpack a lunch box

Empty the dishwasher

Put away dishes

Boil Pasta

Sort, wash, fold and put away laundry

Help wash the car

Plant and water flowers

Make a grilled cheese sandwich

Make the bed and clean their room

Fun to Have

Games:

Clue

Hedbanz

Monopoly

Guess Who?

Battleship

Boggle

Quirkle

Pictionary

Sequence

Checkers

Chess

The Game of Life

Catan

Farkle

Rack-O

Ticket to Ride

Mastermind

Bananagrams

Activities:

Rage, Hit the Deck (card games)

Spoons (card game)

Crafts with beads or string

Art of any kind

Four square

Charades

Hangman

Dots

Freeze tag

Mad Libs

Karaoke

Paper football

Paper airplanes

Water balloons

Water games

Legos

Hone, I love you, but I just can’t smile

Foxes and Hounds (when friends are over)

100 piece puzzles

Words to Speak

Good morning, I love you, I have noticed, keep trying, I hope you know, have fun, please, keep trying, thank you, I’m really proud when, I’ve been thinking, I’m sorry, work hard, be kind, I enjoy spending time with you, I can always count you you to…, good night!

This year you will…

DEVELOP POSITIVE ROUTINES

Maintain a good relationship with your pediatrician, and schedule a well visit at least once per year. You can also begin to develop healthy habits for your third grader with a few simple words.

Say things like…

The mayonnaise can’t sit in the sun all day.

Can you see how much sodium is in this can?

Some people are naturally better jumpers, but we can all jump higher with practice.

I love to watch you play!

Let’s play freeze frisbee!

INFORM THEM ABOUT HOW THINGS WORK

Your third grader may begin expressing a desire for more privacy as they change or bathe. Kids grow at their own pace. Some kids begin body changes much earlier than others. Respond to your child’s signals by respecting their privacy, but don’t disengage. Your third grader needs your influence as they grow to discover more and ask more about sexuality.

Say things like…

Can we talk more about this another time?

Sex is private, it’s not something we watch or look at.

Have you heard words that describe body parts or sex that you didn’t understand or that didn’t seem nice?

It’s natural to be curious about our bodies.

You are beautiful/handsome just the way you are.

What do your friends say about sex?

When a girl starts to become a woman, she will…

When a boy starts to become a man, he will…

For a little help, check out resources like How God Makes Babies by Dr. Jim Burns, Simple Truths by Mary Flo Ridley, or (for girls) The Care and Keeping of You by Valorie Schaefer.

EXPLORE THE POSSIBILITIES OF TECHNOLOGY

Your third grader is smarter than you when it comes to devices—it’s okay. That’s normal. But, even though your kid is a digital native, they still need an adult guide as they continue to explore all the great things they can do with technology.

Say things like…

Never post a phone number or address without checking with me.

Have you seen anything online that surprised you?

You have __ minutes of screen time for today.

Let me see what you did.

Can we play together?

What is the content rating? What is the commitment level? What is the connection to other players?

PROVOKE DISCOVERY

Your third grader gains more independence, this is a great year to encourage personal devotional time. Help them develop a habit of spending time alone with God. But, don’t let their faith become private; continue having other faith conversations as you go about your days together.

Say things like…

Can I pray about that with you?

Having faith isn’t always easy, but we can trust God no matter what.

What do you think is the wisest choice in this situation?

If you were them, how do you think you would want to be treated?

I’m sorry your friend’s mom is sick. What could we do to help?

Don’t ever get tired of doing the right thing. (2 Thessalonians 3:13—Repeat and memorize simple Bible verses together.)

Exodus is part of the history of the Israelite nation.

Did you know the book of James was written by the brother of Jesus?

I’m not sure where that passage is. Let’s look it up together.